Stop The Presses!!!

So they other night Julie and I were watching TV after dinner and we both ended up falling asleep on the couch. It was close to midnight by the time we woke up with kinks in our necks and drool on our sleeves...... ok perhaps too much information.

Anyway, I remember being so damn tired and just wanting to get to bed because I get up at 5:00AM in order to start getting ready for work. It was closing in on one o'clock in the morning when we were awaken by a phone call. "Who the hell could this be?", I thought to myself, although deep down I had a feeling I knew who it was. :)

"uh... h'lo?"
"Hey Brian!"
"Ann?" It was indeed my sister, just as I suspected.
"What are you up too?"
"Wha-?"
"I'm on my cell phone right now and down near the mall.... can you believe that there is STILL a huge line-up outside Krispie Kreme? The store has been open since 5 o'clock this morning and it's almost 10 at night and the police have had to barricade the streets off! This is crazy eh?!?!"

You see, Krispie Kreme has finally broken into Western Canada and apparently it was a smash hit on opening day. Total sales for the first day were around $90,000. That just ain't right. What also "ain't right" is my sister calling me to tell me this wonderful news....lol.

The inventor of the cell phone never realized the potential victims of this device along his path to financial freedom. For some the cell phone can be a tool and for some it can be a weapon. Then there's my sister who uses it as a weapon while THINKING it's a tool.

I don't really blame her for calling me late at night and in all honestly, I really don't mind, I just like giving her a hard time about it. Back when I lived in Canada I was always working either 2nd or 3rd shift and my sister worked shifts only a vampire suffering from insomnia would like. Most of our conversations would take place very late at night or very early in the morning, depending on our schedules for that particular day. But it was when she was driving around while talking on her cell phones that the conversations and/or phone messages would be interesting.

The typical Ann cell phone call went something like this (remember it's like 3 in the morning or some other weird hour of the day)

"Hello?"
"Hey Bri"
"Hey, what's going on?"
"Not much. I was just driving through Metrotown when I thought of something I wanted to ask you the other day"
"Ok, what's up?"
"Do you have any ideas for Mom's birthday yet because I was thinking..... OK asshole, let me in"
"Say what??"
"Oh sorry, I'm trying to merge but this dickhead wouldn't let me into his lane"
"Oh. So yeah I was thinking we'd go pick up a cake and then maybe----"
"HEY SHITFACE, DON'T START WITH ME NOW OK???"
"What the hell is going on?"
"Ahh nothing. Mr. Bigshot thinks he owns the road, I hate ignorant bastards like that"
"You don't say"
"Yeah so anyway, I'll be heading over to Mom and Dads house at around YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!! SIGNAL IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A TURN!! Seriously, what is with people today?"
"Yeah really, there sure are some weirdo's out there" (dripping with sarcasm)
"What the hell?? This guy is only doing 65 in a 50 zone!!"
"Yeah but....... that means he's already going faster than the spee--"
"Oh shut up Brian, everybody knows you're supposed to drive at least 25 kilometers faster than the limit"

Well, imagine this going on for about another 40 minutes or so and you get the picture.

The other famous attribute is the conversations she would have with my answering machine, and actually I've been fortunate enough to have this tradition continue even though I'm 3,000 miles away. There'd be nights when I'd come home from work and see that I have a message on my machine so I hit the play button. There would times when that sucker was rewinding the message longer than most ACTUAL conversations I've had. Finally the poor thing would stop, take a breather, then continue rewinding. Oh Christ, Ann called and left a message again. Eventually I would hear the beep sound and Ann start up with some rant while she was driving around, and when I say rant I mean, she went OFF! So and so said this, so and so did that, she burnt her toast while making breakfast, her truck's running like a piece of crap... man, I heard it all. Then I'd have to hire a stenographer just to record all the questions she asked me so one day when I have a spare few hours I could sit down and answer them all.

Reach out and touch someone?? Hmph.

Is This The End?

Back in October when I officially filed for Permanent Resident Status with the lovely people at the INS, I was told that my application would take at least a year and half before I get called in for my interview. About a month ago I get a letter in the mail with an INS return address on it but all it turned out to be was a notice to go get my fingerprints done, which is one of the many steps I have to take along the way. I went downtown last Saturday and spent my morning going through the slaughter house routine again and as usual, was amazed at how efficient they were at wasting time and money.

Anyway, Julie and I also received a second letter telling us to come in for a joint interview regarding my case status. I didn't realize what this meeting was all about until we read the form full of instructions. First of all I didn't know that Julie would have to be there, and second, I didn't know we were going to be asked to prove that we are actually married and "commingle".... whatever the hell that means. So we've spent the last week gathering up all our information that will help us prove our case because Julie doesn't believe the bruises on my arms will be enough evidence...lol. The appointment is this Thursday on March 4th at 10:55AM which actually works out pretty good for me because I'll be up late the night before watching the Canucks throttle the Avalanche on ESPN. Did I mention I was really looking forward to that game?

So why is my interview coming so early after being told to wait for a year and half? Probably the same reason I was told I couldn't work until February but then was sent a letter telling me to go in for my work permit in mid November, nobody knows what the hell is going on. The people they hire to answer questions about pending cases over the phone must have the easiest jobs in the world. All they have to do is answer the phone and tell people their cases will be evaluated any time in the next 14 years. I think once they put in their apprenticeship for 5 years they get promoted to the Triple "A" Auto Club, there they only have to tell people the tow trucks will be arriving "within an hour".

I hope this really is the end of the line for me and that I finally get my green card. The one thing that bothers me about my current situation is that until I actually receive my Permanent Resident Status I'm not allowed to travel outside the United States, even back Canada! This stresses me out because what if I suddenly need to go to a playoff game? How am I suppose to go watch Canucks if they stop me at the border? They wouldn't honestly prevent me from one of life's basic necessities would they?

Oh the humanity.